Waiting. It's really boring. It's also difficult. You start thinking, is it going to happen? Is there something I've missed? In other words you start worrying!
When you are waiting for something whether in the near or further future, there is usually one important thing you are not doing, which is… well, actually DOING something.
Waiting means being passive. And in most the instances in my life when I have been waiting for something I haven't yet fulfilled all the DOING - in other words I haven't attempted all actions I could possibly take to get to the thing I am waiting for. And in these instances, the waiting never ends, because without doing something I never get to where I want to be.
The outcome? Well, usually the idea gets stacked onto the mental shelf of things to do when I get round to it.
Which is ridiculous because I haven't even really tried everything I could to make it happen.
Okay - sometimes you do need a bit of space and to sit back and not be so hard on yourself.
But in other cases it's really important to identify what can be done, what needs to be done, and most importantly what needs to be let go as nothing you can do will have enough impact on the person or situation to actually change anything. In other words your attention and effort is better directed somewhere else.
Don't get me wrong - I love to help out people even if I don't directly benefit because I value spending time with different people and the unusual experiences and wonderful relationships this can inspire.
However I do believe that when there is more of a negative impact on your life, whether that be time loss, energy loss, health loss and even financial loss, and you're waiting for something that is never going to materialise, you need step back, evaluate and be honest with yourself. You may have put a lot of resources into something with the expectation of certain results. If you are able to recognise that the results or outcomes you expected are not forth coming, there will be several scenarios you can choose from to guide your response.
1. THE ARTFUL PROCRASTINATOR: You're waiting for something but maybe not actually making an effort. Get going!
2. THE CURATOR OF MISPLACED EFFORT: You're working at it but you don't have the right strategy - step back, evaluate and make a plan of ACTION. See who can help you or who you be accountable to. It can make a great difference in your attitude and active mind if you have a friend or colleague to cheer you on. Ignore those who don't get your idea - they will naysay and give you lots of reasons not to do what you want to do. Don't make their own excuses your excuses! Stay strong and find the advocates around you. They will be there when things don't quite go as planned to keep you going and they won't be 'saying I told you so!'. They will be helping you surmount the obstacles, re-evaluating your strategy or re-assessing the goals, even if it's just time spent over a cup of tea.
3. THE DESERT WITH NO OASIS: This is the main point of the post today - you need to see the situation as it really is. You have expectations that are unrealistic, because the fact is there is no light at the end of the tunnel. This does not mean your dream or idea won't be REALISED. It means that you are in the wrong place, relying on the wrong people and looking in the wrong places for the next step. You probably feel incredibly frustrated and have been waiting for a long time hoping that something will come up. Sound familiar?
So how can you turn your unrealistic expectations into a real journey towards your goals?
My expectation of my job has been for a longtime that I will be nurtured, grow and learn to excel in my field. I will be invested in, taught by experienced colleagues, helped and supported through the tough times and praised or rewarded when the business is going well due to my efforts. I will contribute to the learning and progression of others and help them in their quest to fulfil their potential.
After all, I am in my job to learn, to progress, to evolve, to increase my value to the company and clients and to do a good job. These are the core values for my personal career contentment.
So how does this vision compare to reality?
My experiences so far do not really match up to my expectations.
I have been waiting, and waiting, and waiting…. and waiting! for there to be some sign that the office desert holds an oasis of potential just waiting to be found. The problem is - I don't have a map. I don't even know how big the desert is or which direction I should be going in. Or even.. if the longed for oasis actually even exists. Gasp!
In other words, what I expect from my job and career development is very different from what is actually available to me. I used a lot of excuses to myself to justify the waiting - when it's not so busy I will get that progress review. When this project is over we will have a team meeting to discuss the business strategy for the next 5 years. The list goes on. Endless excuses I made for other people to justify waiting for things to change and bring me closer to job satisfaction and career development.
So I continued to wait, to hope, to believe that eventually those hinted conversations or changes in the business structure would eventually materialise.
Of course nothing has changed - except, luckily, my recognition and acceptance of the situation.
So rather than 'WHEN will things start to happen?' and 'WHY is nothing changing?' the internal narrative changed to 'HOW can I make positive changes in my life to create the learning, the progression that I so strongly crave?'.
The answer is ACTION. In the past 6 months I have been trying a lot of new things.
Google Squared Digital Marketing
This self funded course took over my evenings and weekends for almost 7 months, but the rewards were beyond my expectations! Amazing people, projects and a great boost to my confidence. I was valued, treated with respect and able to learn from some brilliant people with many different types of experience.
Bikram Yoga 30 day Challenge - I found strength I never believed I had and gained amazing insight into myself as a person. You can read about the challenge here. At the time of writing I have 1 day of the challenge left.
One thing I never expected was the praise and encouragement from fellow Yogis. How grateful I am to all of them for supporting me.
Making a dress - Doing something almost completely new and creating a simple dress for a friend.
Although sewing machines are something I'm fairly familiar with, creating clothes from scratch is something I am not. Slowly getting to grips with this fabric engineering. It's like Lego or Ikea furniture for me, once I get into I just don't want to put it down until it is finished!
None of these things are directly related to my career progression, however they have been invaluable in helping me to re-engage with my time in a productive manner and know that when I put my mind to something I can create change, I can make a difference, I can inspire others and I am at the end of the day able act towards realising a goal.
So the next step? Stop waiting, start acting towards the what really matters:
to learn, to progress, to change, to grow.
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